Day 2: Nick Drake’s music came to my life ten years ago in Glasgow, while reading Tom Bromley. Tom introduced a lot of music in that book of his, but the one that I liked the most was Drake’s. I’ve heard and felt Pink Moon for years, not fully knowing if I really understood it. Things behind the Sun is something I discovered recently and quickly fell in love with. If you’re home alone like I was for a week, you’d probably realize why it’s existential and essential too. (I do like folk, a lot.)
In my home alone week, I spent a ton of energy watching films, reading and painting (i.e. learning how to). I also found a play that I wrote six years ago. More than a literary attempt (I was years away from writing anything of consequence), it was just a release. If you’ve been writing personally like the boy and I do, you’ll realize your life is far too documented. And, with each page, you can go back. It’s like getting into a time machine. I figured, I had whiled away a part of my young person energy on people who fit Nick’s lyrical descriptions:
Please beware of them that stare
They’ll only smile to see you while
Your time away
And once you’ve seen what they have been
To win the earth just won’t seem worth
And for the longest time it didn’t make sense. Till I realized that I was just fighting my own battles and demons. People I met were incidental in the larger scheme of things. I hadn’t yet learned to fly. I’d been standing atop a branch with my eyes closed. I had focused far too much on proportions and the right colors. Things I had not learned to question yet, as a feminist, were of much greater consequence eventually (it’s another post, but I have now come to believe in that label.)
Don’t be shy you learn to fly
And see the sun when day is done
If only you see
Just what you are beneath a star
That came to stay one rainy day
In autumn for free
When I talk to my best friends it’s only then that I realize that giving up on unquestioned entitlement or energy sucking people and circumstances is the best part about growing up. Not all battles are worth the fight, or anything for that matter. I had buried this awareness in large a pile of unpublished notes. It’s liberating to bring it back.
And discover things behind the sun that only you can see, freely.