My husband and I went through different paths to find each other. Contrary to simplistic fake news, we never met each other in college. We did not go through a dil gira dafatan story but we do romanticize Ghalib’s Dilli. How we met in the past isn’t more important than how we continue to meet in our present. Every so often we redefine who we are together. And that’s one of my favorite things about us. I thought of this list after reading Maira Kalman‘s magnum opus of the same name.
This list isn’t about what I like in each of us individually. It’s about togetherness. It is also the little space between us as we try to make an attempt to share ourselves.
If there’s any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it’s almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt. – Celine, Before Sunrise
My Favorite Things About Us
- We talk about our relationship a lot. I have several memories of overanalyzing our own relationship. Especially in warm South of France and on M14 when I am struggling to drive.
- He once said, “Our problem is that we take everything seriously. We’re not chill.” Basically, that’s the reason why I married him. I don’t do well with casual carelessness.
- Jhumpa Lahiri is our common ground, but he’s delusional about her. Like I am, about Shah Rukh Khan or Richard Linklater
- We both agree that my mother is gentle.
- We’ve agreed on the name of our dog. And his size. I’m superstitious, so till we don’t get him, let’s all just stay calm.
- Not changing my name to my husband’s name is not a catastrophe. Getting married was a choice. We did not do so under the condition of changing names.
- He secretly digs my feminism. He’d like me to be more fair though. Change oil in the car or get meat. I don’t see that as my war against equality. I see it as my war against my incompetence with the car.
- We like watching Formula 1 a lot.
- I hate the word hubby. Please don’t. It’s our shared understanding enforced by me.
- We like fountain pens and make lists in real diaries made of paper. We agree on typewriters.
- Reading happens with paper books. We do not own a kindle.
- We can talk about Tamasha.
- He walks 40,000 steps to find something to eat during travel. I let him describe how I’d be grateful later that he chose a non-touristy wonder for us. I see it as a reason to not feel guilty about overeating on holidays.
- We AirBnB over 5 star touristy experiences.
- Our road-trips have podcasts
- We like Gimlet
- Each Friday we walk to town talking about our days. We often run late for dinner. Ten minutes before we reach our destination, I always feel the walk is too long.
- We like Roos Roast. We walk to it even for 30 minutes on a day with 10 inches of snow. It’s our secret Portlandia.
- North Western mountains and Austrian Alps attract us both
- Sustainability matters. We try to stay away from “cheap shit.” I’m trying, he’s already there.
- We procrastinate on different things. Him- washing dishes, Me- folding clothes.
- Everything is cured by travel
- We collect books, experiences and DVDs
Our anniversary plans include a nice dinner on a weekday. I will also finally get to read the letter he wrote to me last year (I could not open it before today). We’re both working through the day and I’m also volunteering in Detroit. Later in the month perhaps we need to take the car out for a drive. But this year everything’s been hard to come by. So we haven’t really over-planned as we go through our giant to-do lists. Two was hard and needed us to put up a fight. Let’s hope three makes life a little easier.